Call It What You Like
by Drakkensdatter
Summary: Look, I don't know who you are, where you came from, or how you can control that dragon, but I do know this; something brought you here: call it fate, destiny…" "…A dragon…" "…Call it what you like, you are going to help us unless you want to learn what a pin cushion feels like" Rated T for minor swearing.
AN: Just a short little thing I typed up in a morning after seeing the cover image on Pinterest.

DISCLAIMER: None of the characters mentioned, nor anything else from the movies belongs to me. It all belongs to Disney/Pixar and Dreamworks respectively. This is only a bit of fun, no profit intended.

* * *

The united clans, led by King Fergus, were trying to fend off invaders from overseas (the English) and the invaders' long-range war machines had turned the tide of the war against the clans. After a particularly nasty loss, Fergus called a meeting with all of the military leaders (including Merida, who was given leadership over a squadron so she'd have practice herding cats- I mean experience leading Scots before she inherited the throne). At about mid-day, Queen Elinor, hoping to keep the inevitable grandstanding from developing into a full-fledged brawl, made everyone sit down for lunch.

Meanwhile….

Hiccup has gone on one last long-range exploration mission before he takes over for his father as chief. He is hoping to find out how far he can get in a month when he pushes himself and Toothless. Well, on the same day during which the Scottish clans are having their war meeting, Toothless's artificial tail fin gets destroyed when Toothless provokes a wild dragon and Hiccup gets separated from his companions and ends up needing to crash-land and it just so happens that he is right above Merida's family's castle.

A watchman notices a dark shape descending and calls out, assuming it is an attack. Soon though, everyone realizes that it is a dragon and they all start going nuts as this _actual dragon_ starts descending toward the courtyard. Meanwhile Merida grabs her bow and shoots a comment over her shoulder as she runs outside.

"Well, at least this princess had a weapon at the table"

Merida finds a good spot on the wall and prepares to take aim, intending to shoot the dragon down before it can hurt anyone. But then she sees someone riding the dragon and realizes that if it could be controlled, this dragon could be a serious advantage in the war against the English. So she takes aim at Hiccup, intending to blackmail him into using his dragon to help her people(not a very well-thought out plan, maybe, but this is Merida).

Hiccup meanwhile, is frantically attempting to land Toothless somewhere that will cause the least damage- not only to any buildings or people, but also himself and Toothless.

The dust from their crash landing in the courtyard settles as Hiccup tiredly removes his helmet but before he can open his mouth to chew out Toothless, Merida starts off with her hastily thought up speech, keeping her arrow pointed straight at Hiccup's face

"Look, I don't know who you are or where you came from, or how you can control that dragon, but I do know this; something brought you here: call it fate, destiny…"

Hiccup rolls his eyes

"…A dragon…"

She continues, not noticing his interruption.

"…Whatever you call it, you are going to help us unless you want to learn what a pin cushion feels like"

Hiccup gives a little sigh.

"Look, could you just- could you just put that thing away? I don't really like explaining myself while someone is threatening to kill me"

Toothless, meanwhile, has remained on high alert, hackles raised as he growls softly at Merida.

"And let you get away or rampage 'round the countryside? I donna think so"

"Look," Hiccup starts to undo the straps holding him in place, but Merida pulls her arrow back threateningly. In response, Toothless growls and starts to lunge, but Hiccup pulls him back.

"Whoah boy, calm down, it's okay"

After placating Toothless, Hiccup raises both hands slightly towards Merida, as if trying to calm another angry dragon.

"Look, I don't mean any of you any harm, I promise, but my dragon here gets pretty testy when he's hungry and tired." Toothless gowns for emphasis, never taking his eyes off of Merida.

"Especially if someone is pointing a weapon at us. So," he carefully resumes preparing to get down, "Let's all just calm down a minute and I'm sure we can sort this out peacefully"

Merida continued staring at him suspiciously until King Fergus places a hand on her arm and lowers her bow.

"Merida, listen to the lad. His dragon could probably have roasted you alive before you even took aim"

"At least someone around here has some sense," Hiccup muttered, jumping down and trailing a consoling hand down the dragon's neck before turning back around to face the father-daughter pair.

Fergus continued.

"Besides, if you were going to fight a dragon one-on-one, I'd say an axe would be the better weapon; I don't think even you could pierce that hide with an arrow"

Hiccup resisted the urge to facepalm but Toothless, understanding enough human speech to realize that Merida's dad was talking about fighting him, turns from Merida (who has lowered her bow a little bit more) to the king and growls threateningly.

"Oh you wanna play a little, do you?" Fergus asks with a wild grin.

"Oh no, no we don't," Hiccup franticly attempts to calm down both his crazy dragon and the crazy redheads in front of him. "We don't want to play at all. No playing of any kind, especially any kind that involves violence. Look, I'm sorry for crashing here, we had to make a landing and it was this or the ocean, and neither my friend here nor I are very good swimmers," Hiccup indicated his peg leg.

The Scottish chief then notices that Hiccup has a peg leg and enthuses "Oh, you lost a leg, too, eh? Mine was bitten off by a monster of a bear that'd make your little lizard look tame. Mordu, he was called. Would you like to hear the tale of how I finally slew him?"

Hiccup just stared dumbfounded, but Merida grunted in frustration.

"Dad! Do you not get what I'm trying to do? What that dragon could mean in the war? This is no time for telling stories!"

At the mention of war, Hiccup looks up.

"Hey, now, we're not interested in getting involved in any war- we just want to rest up a bit and head home" at the loud growl emanating from Toothless's stomach, he adds almost apologetically "And a bite to eat would be great, if you have any to spare"

At this point, Merida's mother, seeing that violence is not likely to ensue, has joined her family in the courtyard (the triplets, taking advantage of the chaos, had been looting the food spilled by the dragon's arrival until she glares at them as she passes by).

"Yes, the lad makes a good point, let's all just sit down, resume our meal, and then we can _all_ " she eyes Toothless warily, "get to know each other better."

* * *

A little while later, after sufficient space was cleared in the courtyard and the tables, still laden with food, were dragged outside, all of the humans sat down and resumed (or began) eating.

Toothless even had his own barrel of salted fish, which he was jealously guarding against the triplet pranksters' attempts at thievery.

"…And that's why we should use this dragon to take out their war machines. It's got ta be fate!" Merida emphasized her point to the gathered military leaders with a fist pounded on the table.

"When you're striking from the sky atop a great, big" she gestures sideways with both arms then glances over at Toothless, who is being mercilessly tickled by the triplets. "Well, atop a dragon, anyway, those fancy war machines o' theirs are just big piles of kindlin'!"

The assembled Scotsmen gave a hearty cheer and toasted "the Viking and his dragon!"

Hiccup, who had stayed mostly silent after explaining where he was from and why he was riding a dragon, spoke up.

"Hey now, I appreciate your hospitality towards me and Toothless, but like I said earlier we don't want part of any war. We've already seen way too much fighting, haven't we bud?" he turns to his dragon who looks up from wrestling the triplets and gumming one on the head to give Hiccup his signature floppy-eared dragon grin.

"Don't chew on our hosts" he mutters aside to the dragon before turning back to address the rest of the table.

"I'm afraid I really have to get back. My friends are probably already searching for me, and it's about time I headed back to the village anyway."

"But what could be so urgent? If this Viking village you come from is so great, and has so many wonderful dragons, surely they could do with one fewer dragon for a wee bit longer?" Merida tried, and failed, to be diplomatic.

"Merida!" Elinor admonished.

Hiccup sighed.

"Actually it's not my dragon that my people need. It's me"

"When they've got freakin' dragons, what good would a scrawny runt like _yo_ -"

"MERIDA!"

Hiccup smiled sardonically.

"Actually, this scrawny runt is my village's new chief" he admitted with sarcastic enthusiasm.

At this, Fergus laughed.

"You're the chief of your village? A wee boy like you, leading an entire island full of dragon-riders?"

He laughed again until his wife swatted him.

"FERGUS! You're as bad as Merida, I swear!" Elinor scolded the king.

Hiccup just chuckled. "You should have seen me when I was younger. My dad worried I'd never be a warrior"

"Actually, you and my dad would probably have gotten along well," he told the Scottish king before pausing thoughtfully, a hand on his chin.

"…Unless you killed each other first, of course" he added as an afterthought.

Fergus laughed again.

"I like you, lad. And for what's it worth, I think any man would be proud to have you as his son, so I'm sure your dad is proud of you, too" he told Hiccup, unknowingly reminding the teenager that his father had died a few scant weeks ago.

"Thank you" Hiccup answered quietly.

Elinor took advantage of the more serious atmosphere to entreat Hiccup on her daughter's behalf.

"As rude as my husband and daughter can be, you do not know how desperate we are. We have already lost so many battles, so many good men mown down by those contraptions before we even had a chance to fight back. As brave and fierce as our warriors are, they cannot win a battle they canna fight. If we can't turn the tide of this war, we very well might lose our land and homes to those-"

"BASTARDS!"

"-Merida, a princess does _not_ swear- we might lose our homes to those who have no respect for honor and courage."

Hiccup looked torn, and Queen Elinor pressed on.

"Besides, didn't you say that your dragon canna fly without his tail apparatus? We will provide you with tools and materials to fix it, but in the meantime, we would be most grateful for your help, Chief Hiccup." She bowed her head slightly to him.

"I do need to fix that" he murmured, one hand on his chin.

Hiccup turned to his dragon. "Well, what do you say Toothless? Should we help them out against these invaders of theirs?"

Toothless roared an assent and was quickly joined by (and nearly drowned out by) the Scotsmen gathered.

"I guess that means yes" Hiccup shrugged at the redheaded princess and her parents over the noise.

"YOU HEAR THAT, YA ENGLISH BASTARDS?!" Merida yelled in challenge, "WE'VE GOT A DRAGON NOW!"

"MERIDA! LANGUAGE!"


End file.
